Wednesday, February 06, 2008

How to save soccer from the crybabies

Coaches, players and fans whining about referees has been part of sport since the beginning. But the insufferable snivelling is reaching epidemic proportions, especially in England's Premier League. Teams never lose fair and square any more. They are never outplayed, outcoached or outworked. They only fail to win because of the officiating. Grace is no longer a part of the sport.

Given that each team is given 3 points in the standings for each win and 1 for each draw (tie), here's my plan to give a red card to the crybabies:

-When a manager says "My lads worked their socks off. I couldn't ask any more of them" after a 4-0 pasting, deduct 2 points from his team's total. And give him the book "Managing soccer for dummies."

-When the ref is accosted for a call or non-call by anyone other than the team captain or the player actually involved in the incident, deduct 3 points from the team's total for every person involved. And bitchslap each one of them.

-When a manager blames the ref for a bad result when his team played like crap, deduct 5 points. And force him to buy stock in the company that owns Pampers.

-When a manager or a player whines about a penalty where his defender rugby tackled a forward or a non-penalty where his forward fell to the ground like he was shot because he tripped on a blade of grass, deduct 3 additional points beyond the 5 above. And force him to wear a clown's nose, glasses and wig to the next match.

-If a manager says "The other team simply outplayed us today," credit his team 2 points. And buy him a pint for his candor.

-If a manager or team captain says, "We just didn't show up today," credit 4 points. And give a jacket to compensate for the lack of hot air blowing.

-If a manager concedes to the press, "I was simply outmanaged today," just hand his team the championship straight away. And give everyone else in the room a trip to the hospital to treat them for severe shock.

1 comment:

Mark said...

This sorta thing needs to be spread across the internet and posted on the inside of many locker room doors.